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What Attracts Women to Men

What Attracts Women to Men
It’s a question often asked: What attracts women to men? Are some guys just born naturally attractive to women, or is it how a man lives his life that makes him attractive?

Today I’m going to bust THE big myth about what attracts women to men, and give you the straight up honest truth.

You’ll learn the underlying psychology of why women are attracted to certain things men do, and I’ll be showing you how you can use this knowledge to understand why there are so many popular misconceptions about attraction.

Why Is Attraction Such a Complex Issue These Days?

The problem is this:

1) Attraction is a genetic thing – women are programmed to respond to certain qualities like height, dominance, confidence, and so on. Historically (we’re talking hundreds of thousands of years) the men who possessed these qualities produced offspring with a higher chance of survival than men who didn’t, and as a result these men were responsible for a greater percentage of surviving children. The increased success rate was probably something marginal, but over hundreds of thousands of years, even a marginal advantage becomes extremely noticeable and widespread throughout a species.

2) This genetic programming is based on what works in an environment that is VERY different from the environment we live in now. We no longer have to run from predators, hunt and forage for food, and engage in conflict with neighbouring tribes. Things that were typically a disadvantage aren’t such a big deal anymore – people who would’ve been left for dead can now be productive, successful members of society who can provide for a family.

Although you don’t really need to be your classic alpha male type to survive and do well these days, the ancient attraction programming remains intact and pushes women towards guys who behave this way. Don’t go try to be an alpha male though – what you think it means and what it actually is are likely two very different things.

It might seem counter-intuitive, but being attractive is something you can learn to do by paying attention to your beliefs, behaviours, body language, and putting at least a bit of effort into being decent looking.

The modern attractive man isn’t some super aggressive juice head whose life motto is “never back down”. He’s just a normal guy who’s comfortable with who he is, confident, well put together, and willing to put the work in to actually go out and meet people.

The Big Attraction Myth: You Need Things Like Height, Money, and Social Status to Be Attractive to Women

I know I just said women are genetically predisposed to want these things, and it might seem like I’m contradicting myself here. Especially since in our own personal experience we often see the most attractive women with tall, rich, successful men. Actors, business owners, executives, guys with nice houses and fast cars.

The reason why it SEEMS like height, looks, social status, and money attract women is a common cognitive error: a misunderstanding of correlation and causality. Causality means one thing causes another, like being rich causing women to like you. Correlation means one thing is linked to another thing, like rich men being more likely to have attractive women with them, but not necessarily because of their wealth.

Now, there are of course some women who will only date men above a certain height, income level, and so on, but the majority of women aren’t like this.

So why would we believe things like money, social status, and so on are correlates rather than causes?

The reason is rooted in the way women identify these traits in men. If women are attracted to men with status and wealth, an effective evolutionary strategy for men would be to fake these traits. Producing offspring with a faker could be disastrous for the woman; a faker likely does not have adequate resources and social influence to provide for her offspring.

To counter this, women must be able to differentiate between the men who genuinely have wealth and social status, and those who are faking. One way to do this is by developing a heightened sense of social perception and recognizing what successful man behaviour looks like compared to the behaviour of an imitator. The behaviours become the primary source of attraction.

Women are not attracted directly to wealth and status, but to the behaviours indicating a man genuinely has wealth and status.

This provides the explanation for why it seems like wealth, status, and height matter so much. If you were suddenly made better looking, a few inches taller, and inherited a billion dollars, would you behave the same way you do now? Of course not! You’d instantly be more confident, more relaxed, happier, less stressed out, and so on.

Women pick up on these behaviours, and it’s these behaviour patterns that are at the core of attraction, not the wealth and status itself.

Can a Lot of Confidence Overcome Deficiencies in Height/Wealth/Looks/etc.?

It can definitely increase your chances, but you still need to do what you can to make yourself more attractive. Eating right and getting in shape will not only help you look better, it will make you a hundred times more confident. Just because women will still date you if you drive a beater, doesn’t mean they don’t prefer a BMW.

In short, confidence helps, but no woman is going to stick around for very long if you have no ambition, passion, or direction in life. You might get laid, but why would a smart, attractive, fun woman stay with a confident but lazy man when there’s tons of confident ambitious guys out there?

There’s just no excuse to not have your shit together. It’s not so much about being super rich and having washboard abs as it is not having any glaring deficiencies. As long as you’re reasonably in shape, well groomed, drive something not about to break down, and have a clean place of your own, you’re doing fine.

Why is Confidence Such a Big Part
of Being an Attractive Man?

Essentially, confidence is about being yourself. It’s about being congruent and able to authentically express who you are without worrying about what people think. People who lack confidence, who are socially awkward, who are afraid to speak their mind, what they’re doing is broadcasting to the world that they’re willing to stifle their own impulses and desires for the sake of social acceptance.

This indicates they’re not used to being socially dominant and enforcing their worldview, that they may have been subject to social rejection in the past, or maybe they’re not typically successful and their fear of failure causes doubt and hesitation.

Men who are naturally attractive to women aren’t all super smooth James Bond types, in fact I don’t know many people like that at all. The guys I do know who are quiet and serious but still get laid are very good looking, and they succeed in spite of their personality, not because of it.

Most guys who are really good with women are the guys who are fun to be around. They’re not afraid to show their goofy, quirky side. They’re adventurous and outgoing. For a real life example of a guy who isn’t good looking but has an attractive personality, look at someone like Seth Rogan. He’s the type of guy women say they have a “weird crush” on, the type who isn’t good looking, but is still attractive.

5 Tips for Being More Physically Attractive to Women

Remember, you don’t need to be some fit, super suave looking playboy (trying too hard usually backfires), you just need to look like you put at least a bit of effort in.

1) Develop a style that reflects who you are. Don’t just wear random clothes, think about what sort of image you want to project. When women look at you, what do they see? Try to imagine yourself from your ideal woman’s perspective: if you were your ideal woman, would you date you? Does your style reflect the unique person you are, or are you just another average guy?

2) Go to the gym at least once per week, even if you’re in decent shape. You’ll look better, but more importantly you’ll feel better. If you aren’t in shape, this is even more important.

3) Get a good haircut. Find a proper salon in your area. You might not notice the difference between a cheap and an expensive haircut, but I guarantee you women do. A well trained stylist who’s good at his/her job will know what kind of haircut suits your face, and they’ll do a much better job. You can get great haircuts in most major cities for around $45.

4) Work on your body language. It’s so important but so hard to notice yourself. I recommend filming yourself talking to see how much you fidget, what your expression and eye contact is like, if you sway back and forth, and so on. Read up on body language and try to become more aware of how you move. It’ll be awkward at first, but you’ll adjust.

5) Make sure you’re groomed. No nose/ear hair, keep your beard trimmed. Nothing wrong with a beard, but don’t just let it grow wildly. If you have bad skin, see a doctor or try a few different skin care products. Get rid of the unibrow, even if it’s just a few stubbly hairs between your eyes. Coordinate your facial hair with your haircut.

5 Tips for Developing an Attractive Personality

This is a much tougher process than being physically attractive. Reason being: the key to being emotionally attractive is being yourself, but hardly anyone understands how exactly to do this. It doesn’t help that so many sources tell you NOT to be yourself, and give you advice about acting smooth that just makes you look like a dickwad.

1) Define yourself. An interesting fact: demographics (location, income level, etc.) are the best predictor of what a person will believe. When you ask most people what they believe, what they value, what they want out of life and why, they can’t tell you. Knowing what you want and having a direction in life that’s congruent with who you are is wildly attractive. Women love a man who knows what he wants and goes after it.

2) Be comfortable alone. Neediness is one of the worst, most unattractive qualities a guy can have. Make sure you spend time being alone and not passively consuming media. Sitting around watching TV or creeping facebook isn’t what I mean. I’m talking about reading, thinking, meditating, being in touch with who you are. We’re exposed to so much social pressure and influence that it takes a conscious effort to shed all off and discover who we are and what we want.

3) Eliminate negative or limiting beliefs. Do you believe you’re incapable, unworthy, not cool? Do you feel, deep down, like you deserve the lifestyle you want? The woman you want? Or do you secretly feel like the women you want are out of your league? Like the job, house, car, type of life you want are out of reach? Trace these beliefs to their roots. Why do you believe those things? Are they valid reasons? Could you be giving certain people or events too much weight when it comes to determining your value as a person? Ultimately, it’s about living up to your own expectations, not anyone else’s.

4) Practice self-awareness and authentic expression. Become aware of how you behave, what you say and do. Are these things in line with your beliefs and desired life direction? Imagine who you’d like to be, and make a conscious effort to be that person on a daily basis. Speak your mind and act on your desires – don’t be ashamed or embarrassed about what you believe or what you want. Attractive men are willing to risk rejection or criticism to get the things they want in life.

5) Practice lifestyle design. If there are particular things about your life you want to improve, like making more money, being more fit, meeting new people, learning a new skill, and so on, write those things down and make a plan for reaching them. Having goals you’re working towards brings about a lot of different benefits: confidence when you reach them, a sense of purpose while you’re working on them, and a sense of achievement and self-worth that comes with having a plan for your life.

Written by Ryan Jakovljevic

Ryan Jakovljevic is an award-winning counsellor and relationship expert with more than three years of experience helping both individuals and couples. He does weekly videos on YouTube, posts daily on Facebook and twitter, and you can also find him on Google+.

  54 Responses to “What Attracts Women to Men”

  1. These inferior men pep-talk articles are always hilarious to me.

    You call them myths, then validate them by giving a man’s interpretation of women’s reasoning behind them. But I can tell you, the reason is pretty on the nose. Height, wealth, status and looks are items on a checklist of marriageable men. Call it evolution all you want. The fact of the matter is that men with these qualities are like magical unicorns, except they’re everywhere. Not hard to find at all. We women don’t have to settle for lesser men anymore because we don’t rely on men so much, anymore.

    Honestly, confidence isn’t worth much from a man without a decent income or at the very least, looks. That’s like having a nice car but living in a dumpy apartment and wearing sweatpants. Really, if I want to get laid I’m still going to pick the hottest guy in the room. If he turns me down (which doesn’t happen) I have a friend to help me out.

    Ambition is something boys have. Attractive men have success. I’m not 21 anymore. The artsy dreamer in-a-band boy or the “potential guy” have nothing to offer but wait time on an uncertain future. Better to hang out with the investment banker than the entry-level analyst who might someday make consultant. Relegated to 1.5 vacations a year? No, thank you! I want my kids to grow up with opportunity, not stumble through life just to end up at a McDonald’s and with insurmountable college loan debt. Ideally, if a man isn’t made by 35 (his best years by the way) he’s invisible to MOST women under the age of 40, or low-quality women with 3 kids and a minimum wage job. Good luck with that fairytale lifestyle. My biological clock doesn’t have time for him to make something of himself.

    I also have no interest is dating a man below my height, IN HEELS. I’m not tall (5’6″), under 5’11” is completely ridiculous. Again, tall men are everywhere. Tall men get the promotions and easily intimidate other men. Which is sexy.

    EVERY girl I know thinks like this except for women who don’t value themselves, or are very insecure. The truth is, men, that yes you can attract a woman being short, making $50k and having 2 drinking buddies, but she’ll be a 4 at best and with issues. Attractive, confident women don’t owe below-average men anything, no matter what “improvements” they make.

    And, just to be clear, while money is really important, being that short, old guy with muscles and a $200k/yr salary still aint gonna cut it since I can easily still find other men my age making money that are handsome and tall.

    • Ryan says:

      Ignoring the fact that you sound arrogant to the point of being difficult to take seriously, let’s look at some of the things you’re saying.

      Using the demographics from your city, there are about 350,000 men aged 30-55.

      350,000 x [14.5% (above 5’11)] = 50,750

      50,750 x [10.5% (above $100k gross income) = 5,328

      5,328 x [40% (generous estimate of good looking men in this subset of the population)] = 2,131

      Depending on whether or not you care about looks, there are around 2,131 to 5,328 men who meet your criteria.

      If these men are able to date 20-50 year old women, and about 25% of them are good looking, that’s around 112,000 women to choose from.

      I’m not the best at math, but I’m pretty sure that means there are 106,672 more good looking women than there are tall, good looking, high earning men.

      I’d hate to be stuck in your mind for a lifetime. Best of luck to you.

      • Truth is for guys after age 25, females do want a Tallish successful man. I know this for a fact because it was easy for me to hook up with college girls and young woman at the bar and clubs even though I was 5foot8 before I turned 25 but not so much after. Some women were kind of like they wish I were a little bit taller so they could wear heels. Some still hung out and dated me but I felt like it wasn’t sincere or because I would be a safe catch. I wanted to feel special knowing i got the girl that a lot of guys were after but she chose me because it was meant to be. It kind of made me depressed for a while until I discovered Limb Lengthening. Just 3 years ago I got it done to increase my height from 5foot8 to 5foot11.5. Oh did that drastically increase the amount of beautiful women that became interested in me. I would like literally walk into a bar and chicks would be more interested in me than there 5foot8 friend they showed up at the bar with. I kind of enjoyed having my pick at women for about a year until I saw just how rewarding it was for some of my friends to have that one special person in their life. It kind of gave me a new sense of direction. Just a year ago I met the love of my life I think lol which I probably would have not met if I was short. Now I’m not trying to advertise LL surgery, nor encourage it, all I’m saying is the dating pool gets smaller with age and women just like men go for exactly what they want. However, if your like me college educated, drive a nice car, own a condo, and have a good paying job, good looking and your height is keeping you from finding the woman of your dreams. I would do something about it. Life is short and although they say there is a somebody for everybody, i still see alot of single people out there that can’t find that special somebody. In my case my height kind of prevented that for a while but that might not be the case for everybody.

        • true

    • You’re a close minded, sad woman.

    • Jen I love your candid honesty! Thank you for that… Whether some people think you are shallow, or arrogant or whatever… it doesn’t really matter… you are saying what a lot of women believe…

      Guys need to wake up to the fact that this is the socialization, young American women are growing up around… these are the values many women are learning to appreciate particularly in American culture… you are not an anomaly… you are not the only woman that feels this way.

      As a man I want to apply some “rationale” or “reasoning” to “solve” this “riddle” or invalidate it… because maybe I don’t fit your mold. But honestly it is better to just accept that truthful insight, (as painful as it might be) into the mind of a completely functional woman that is product of her environment, just like everybody else.

      It is greatly beneficial!… I get sick of reading articles written by women, that tell me to be “gentlemen”, “buy her flowers” to win her heart… all that putting women on pedestal crap that honestly doesn’t get most men anywhere with “the girl of their dreams.” That’s stuff we as men, want to hear… we want to believe the fantasy that if we do a little work, buy some flowers, take her on a few dates… she simply has no choice but to give us her heart. As men, our world is defined by processes… if you do A,B, and C… it leads to X, Y, Z… but if I’m honest with myself it doesn’t work like that with women, as much as I’ve tried to use the “step approach.”

      I honestly believe if men put less attention into proving our worth to women… and more focus on just living fulfilled lives of our own… women are more drawn that kind of man… because he has his own life going on.

      The truth hurts sometimes to hear… but I LOVE that you were big enough to share your truth with us… we know there are plenty of women that think like you, as painful as it might be to hear it. But there are plenty of fish in the sea… not all women think exactly a like, but you are definitely representative of more than a few! So thank you!

      • Finally the truth!! I agree with you Jen 100% my perception of woman growing up was bang on your comment proved it.

        Not all but a large percentage of woman are emotionally shallow. this renews my faith in woman, most of them are easy once you buy them a drink or two right? Just give them the knight in shining armour approach with all the wealth and riches if you are not successful act it (act like the full package) screw them once or twice then onto the next. easy right?

        I assume you are extremely attractive Jen because this seems to be a trend I have found in life. The more attractive the woman the more selective. Personally I have had my fair share or attractive woman because I am tall 6 foot one inch Successful and have a great body as i am into my Kick boxing.

        My advice to all other males out there is to spend your money on prostitutes because it is cheaper in the long run.They are normally cleaner. and you get more verity. Never settle down and marry just one woman you will get sick of her eventually, then she will end up taking half and the kids if you are stupid enough to have them you should have pulled it and cum on her face,

        Remember they are just Holes that are nice to put you Penis into. thank god I was born the superior gender and this is a mans world.

        Oh Very interesting forum by the way I am thoroughly entertained and turned on by you Jen.

        • Lance you rock! Well said!

        • A hole to put your penis in.. Love it! very true words of wisdom from Lance boys and let’s not mistake it for anything else. Jen brings out the best in us guys! Love her!

    • Jen your words make you ugly. Even if(and probably a big if) you’re THAT attractive in real life…after seeing what’s in your mind? You’re ugly on the inside, and sucks for any guy gets stuck with you in a marriage.

      This is coming from a successful, relatively attractive and tall man. Men of quality want a women who looks gorgeous but also has an attractive personality. You need to learn some humility because the arrogance is not attractive to a man of high value.

    • Hilarious post Jen.

      You have the mentality of a 12 year-old (or Nazi commandant) . Truth is, perfection doesn’t exist (or perhaps very rarely). Not in women either. 2nd truth, you’ve bought right into the corporate American schtick, you silly cow (if that language may be permitted here) . Getting us all to compete longer and harder for things we don’t really need/desire and won’t make us happy . That is, if you are for real (for all I know you may be a bloke , wind-up merchant) Good luck on that quest for the perfect uber-menschen by the way , just hope the biological clock holds out until you find him , after which point a utopia of materialism must surely await ….

    • Personally, I wouldn’t touch you with a barge pole. You may be pretty, but you’re also arrogant ant conceited beyond belief. Any guy who wants to be with you is a sucker. I pity the fool!

    • Personally, I wouldn’t touch you with a barge pole. You may be pretty, but you’re also arrogant and conceited beyond belief. Any guy who wants to be with you is a sucker. I pity the fool!

    • Hi Jen could you check in say a decade I’d like to know how you went, you see the type of man you will get will be equally as shallow as you so I’m guessing you will still be searching for him or have met him married him had your 2.5 kids BUT he will be banging his 20 something hot secretary and any day now you will be receiving your divorce papers in the mail while he is away on that extended “business trip” *snicker*.
      That’s just the way things are Jen that’s what will happen just as certain as you sound in your comment I am sure this will be you but ten years older well past your prime and bitter as hell until then toodles and good luck ya gonna need it.

    • She will attract the man she deserves.

      I think there are as many combinations of couples as there are people. My husband is so wonderfully considerate of me and so appreciative and an amazing father. He is strong physically and emotionally and very much able to connect with me on very deep levels. We have been married near 17 years now. He is taller than I, but struggles with weight over 300 lbs (more genetics) and wonders why I am with him.

      I am 5’5″, weighing in mid 120’s, feminine dressing, long wavy blonde hair, pretty face (men still try to flirt with me at age 38); I look younger than my age (thanks mom for good genes). I have an MBA and earn over 6 figures. I out earn my husband by a factor of 5 (though we were both poor when we met and got married). He is taller than I, but struggles with weight over 300 lbs (more genetics) and wonders why I am with him.

      If something ever happened to him and I had to start over, I would look for another man like him. Character and showing love is high on my list. I want to be around a human being.

    • “Do you thinks that’s air you’re breathing I’ve seen agents punch through concrete, people empty entire clips and hit nothing but air but where they have failed you will succeed if you FREE YOUR MIND” You have to let it all go Neo, fear, doubt and disbelief FREE YOUR MIND. If you know how to interpret this then use it. This what I got from ryan when I read this (I like the matrix if you can’t tell)

    • i have to admit, that the comment section of this article is amazing. (sorry for eventual grammar mistakes but english is not my forte).on to the topic at hand, we, men, allways cry about women not being honest or direct enough for our masculine and rational personalities but just try and summarize what has been said in the comment section. A woman stating her personal point of view regarding the topic in a direct and i believe honest manner(mostly because all the women i’ve been dating, sure, not at first, but as soon as you develop some trust and intimacy between you will tell/suggest/act the same thing, maybe in a more subtle non emasculating way but the bottom line is still the same, given, you want the truth and not some fantasy that approves your ego).
      nice surprise there from the feminine part of the conversation, cudos to the women who know what they want and go for it!!! hats off
      not so surprising were the reaction from the men :)) – its awesome- extremely reminiscent of my highschool years where every boy shouted ‘whore!!’ at the type of girl he couldnt get:). I think i’ve said enough. bye

  2. jen sucks

    • Well that would be the only plus for her then.

      • Upvote upvote upvote

  3. Good answer, Ryan!
    Jen had me in a panic for a minute, until I read your great reply.
    I’m just heading into a divorce and , being the wrong side of forty, with less hair than I’d like , I was a little concerned. Not now.

    • Ryan says:

      Don’t let negative people get to you, there’s a lot more to attraction than the height/money/looks BS.

      I met my fiance in 2009. I was 20 years old, got laid off the month before we met, drove a rusty 1992 Honda Civic, weighed 135 lbs, I lived in my mom’s basement, had no education, and no career prospects. I’m 5’6″, by the way.

      Pretty much the epitome of the most undateable guy possible.

      We moved out, I went to school, started a business, put on 20 lbs of healthy weight, got a better car, started dressing nicer, and grew my career. Still haven’t figured out how to get taller though.

      All that stuff helped a lot, but the most important thing is she was still attracted to me when I had nothing.

      Don’t worry about your hair or your age or any other stuff people try to blame when their life isn’t working out.

      Control the things you can, then focus on developing your personality and you’ll be fine.

      • nice one man,
        dont forget if one can make his girl happy like make her laugh
        that all it is to it

        • Ryan says:

          Good call Abhi, hugely important!

      • Hey Ryan, just one question. How and where did you meet your fiance?

        • Ryan says:

          At a friend’s house, a bunch of people were over and we started talking.

          • Sounds like you got very lucky then. Right time, right place kind of thing. Hope you two work out together.

      • I agree with Ryan,

        Just to add as well coming from a 31 year old. If you want to ensure that you find women who are into you for your personality. Try to keep your external qualities like your profession, displays of wealth and skills to a minimum.

        Every girl I’ve been with in the past who I met through my salsa place that I frequent all ended up moving on to better things the minute a man with better social status came in sight. It was then that I realised that their attraction for me was less about who I actually was and mainly because I was a great salsa dancer.

        With women, it’s all a game of status. Of course, the quickest and easiest way is through wealth, power and displays of excellence as it’s passive. But this can also be demonstrated using your personality or what most people coin as “Verbal Game”.

        The biggest challenge is in making yourself believe that who you are is enough and that no man with a flashier car, better job or nicer apartment is better than you. This is especially hard when the girl you love gravitates towards this new guy as you begin doubting yourself, which affects your self-worth.

        With regards to Jen’s comment. She’s not wrong with her statement. I would assume she’s a woman in her 30’s who has no time to look for a man with ambition and wants a man who’s already set and ready to support her future kids. Women in this age bracket are basically impatient. Why would an attractive man bother with a woman like this when he can easily date a younger, more attractive girl without a ticking biological clock with less baggage?

        Women in this age group simply can’t afford to be this picky.

  4. Good, sensible observations from Ryan. I like that you’re not proposing some bizarre, complicated system of hypnotic alpha-male pick-up tricks. I’d have to say my own experience corresponds very much with what you’re saying.

    I was always lacking in “confidence” with women. I’m 5′ 6″ and therefore “short.” And to make things worse, lost my hair in my mid-to-late twenties. I was then forced to either (a) feel depressed, frustrated and sorry for myself or (b) get over it, accept who I was and just get on with life.

    In the spirit of rebellion, I chose (b). Part of this was my rejection of the whole notion of “confidence.” My attitude was this: I don’t have confidence, I don’t know what it looks like, I don’t know what it feels like – in fact I suspect it’s about as real as the tooth fairy. Meantime, I want to live my life to the full and I don’t have time to wait for this mythical “confidence” to show up. You know what? F**k confidence. I’m going to do what I want to do without it. Confidence can catch up with me if it wants to – assuming it even exists.

    Bizarrely, it was at this time that I started to have pretty steady success with women. And it was with this kind of attitude: being very clear (to myself) about what I wanted, and acting on it openly and without worrying about whether I had “permission.” It’s actually very good fun once you get into the swing of it. Most women are actually very friendly and good fun to talk to – even if they don’t necessarily want to go out with you. And this brings me onto the subject of “Jen.”

    Read her post. Take on board its negativity, its contempt, its viciousness. Imagine the mentality of a person who takes the time to write something like that in a public forum. Because it’s absolutely real. There are genuinely some women like that out there. Just like there are some vile, cowardly men out there who abuse women, here you have an example of a truly unpleasant, cowardly woman who, in this instance seeks to belittle and undermine any man that may be reading this page.

    But you don’t need to worry: women like Jen are in a minority and are very easy to spot. They are to be avoided and their comments to be laughed at. As Jen herself points out, “everyone” she knows thinks like she does. That’s because these like-minded individuals hang around together (and tear each other to shreds – they’re just as vicious towards women as they are towards men). And these kinds of women get a very nasty shock later in life when they suddenly find that the “hottest guy in the room” prefers some one younger. And the likes of Jen find themselves having to rely on their personality alone in their fight for male attention. Whoops! So you don’t need to worry about them getting their come-uppance: life will take care of that.

    The good news is that there are many fantastic women out there who are nothing at all like Jen and her “friends.” There are women out there who are attractive, intelligent and have a sense of humour. They’re the ones that deserve our attention!

    • Ryan says:

      *slow clap*

      well said!

  5. i really took my time to read,it is so true.
    i do agree to that.
    #you got my respect

    • Ryan says:

      Thanks Ishmael!

  6. Don’t be concerned by Jen’s post. She brilliantly pointed out the insecurities of virtually every guy. A tall guy, who is unsuccessful would have also been made insecure by her post.

    She must have a lot of dating experience because she correctly identified the issues men have. Perhaps a short guy, or a tall unsuccessful guy broke her heart. There is usually reasons for why people feel the need to post what they have to.

    A magical “unicorn”, a fictional creature, can not be everywhere. Duh.

    Jen is in the minority of females, so while they do exist, usually these are the same women who are single at 40 still looking for Mr. Perfect.

    I am under 6 ft and I have no problem attracting good looking women of all age groups. In fact, I get a lot of attention from taller women.

    Attraction is a very complicated thing. The best way to understand it is, that it is completely individual. While there are some general correlations when all else is equal, reality is hardly level.

    The best evidence is to look at couples themselves, and you will always find couples you never expect together. Hot women with ugly men. Hot men with ugly women. Hot women with hot men. Ugly women with Ugly men. Normal men with Hot women. Normal men with Ugly women. etc etc. The combinations are endless.

    Think about your own self for a moment. I am pretty sure you have been attracted to people you’d never expect to be attracted to. I’ve always thought I would never be attracted to a black woman and then one day I see a very attractive black woman that I would totally bang. So although I had this preconceived “would not date” list, there have always been exceptions to the rule.

    Once there is an exception to the rule. There is no rule. Get it?

    Jen’s post should serve as a good reminder that women are acutely aware of insecurities of men and will even deliberately play on them.

    If a girl attempts to intentionally make you insecure, always take it with a grain of salt as it is a premeditated attack with alot of thought and foresight gone into it.

    You could also be equally as vicious to women if you put the same time and effort into it as well. It is just as easy for a man to contrive a brilliant post that makes virtually all women insecure, even the best of them.

    Do not to underestimate the cleverness of girls. They can even FIND ways to make the magical unicorn insecure too.

    It’s very easy to make anybody insecure, when you actively seek a hole in a person to exploit. Anybody who actively seeks to find something, will find one.

    So for the guy who pulled out all these statistics etc etc. Let it go. See the post for what it is. It actually designed to get a rise out of you.

    The more you learn to remain unaffected by intentional attacks, the better control you will have over these type of women.

    • Ryan says:

      Parts I agree with and parts I don’t. The bits about insecurity are great.

      • Women are more insecure than men, when it comes down to physical looks.

        The entire industry of cosmetics, salons, plastic surgery, fashion, clothes, is primarily geared toward them and is extremely lucrative. Culture and evolution has played a significant role and importance in the looks of women over men.

        If you read a women’s fashion magazine, your eyes will open to all their issues that you would have never thought of. There are some women deeply insecure about their ear lobes, eye shape, neck length, skin etc etc. Women are constantly comparing themselves to other women.

        Women wear make-up. Case closed. Tell a girl to go to a club or a date without make-up with a good looking guy. She will get eaten alive by other women.

        Next time a woman attempts to make you insecure, return her attack, but not in an obvious way. Most of these women are better controlled when you don’t play self-defense.

        Some girls want you to think you have “faults” and she has none. The irony is, she is aware that she has “faults” too and is hoping by making you preoccupied with your own insecurities, so that you won’t discover hers.

        Men should also study women, the way women study men. Shift the balance of power to yourself and always control your emotions.

        However, do NOT ever play on the insecurities of a good woman, as those are hard to find. They are a rare breed. Don’t corrupt those ones.

        Women are constantly studying relationship theories, ideas and advice on the Internet, more than men. They have learnt more about men than men know about women and that is because they are constantly competing with other women. This is the reason they study us, to get an advantage over OTHER WOMEN.

        Women knowing that guys can be insecure of height (including tall) is not some magical revelation.

        I have alot of dating and sexual experience and have observed the plethora of women and their psychologies. Some good, some bad.

        All these theories about men competing for this, men competing for that and we’ve got this impression that the competition is always amongst men, while women just sit around for the winner. Women also like to propagate this idea, as it makes it easier, amplifies male insecurity and allows women to be lazy.

        The reality is, women are just as competitive with each other for men.

        The reason I find this discussion so interesting is, I feel sorry for alot of men. Men are so easily manipulated by women that it is laughable. The one post by Jen had guys here put into a panic, not realizing that it was just classic manipulation. She may not even actually practice these opinions in reality, she might even be with a person who is nowhere close to the “ideal” she suggested.

        Learn to THINK like a woman, if you plan to have an advantage over them.

        However, never play on the insecurities of a genuinely nice girl. Those girls should always be protected, loved, f*cked and cared for.

  7. Another thing.

    Girls (and guys) who try to make the opposite gender insecure are usually the most insecure themselves.

    I have seen guys put down pretty girls and make them feel ugly, as a way to lower their confidence, to make it easier to hold on to them. When they are fully aware, the reality is opposite.

    Women do the same to Men. Women will also try to lower the confidence of men they feel insecure of.

    So, the irony is that while “confidence is attractive.” Insecure people will try to lower your confidence deliberately.

  8. Very useful information been provided in this article,before approaching woman ,according to the situation things can be worked out

  9. Some degree wealth and looks…they are attractive…but they are a priority to a specific type of woman: often ones who overly interested in their own status and appearance and sacrifice exploring themselves or being real with people. There is nothing more attractive than a happy person. A person who talks to people and listens without interruption. A person who questions everything and is playful in their life. A person who is confident that the future will provide and therefore the present must be enjoyed. When two people like that meet, they create children who change the world. When the world changes, then the game the “hot”, “cool” or “successful” “winners” were playing driven by their repressed insecurities becomes obsolete and they have to play cultural catch-up. We are more likely to pass on our genetics if we are socially strong and not competitively strong and superior. The alpha male is dying. The submissive female along with him. People who go for the fixed route for money don’t have time or energy or passion to try understand the world from their own special perspective. They are often stressed, ignorant and have no real friends…the money could easily be blown in an attempt to buy back the fun they missed, when they snap upon realizing they have wasted their precious time. Money won’t save you from your own demons: many rich people lose their health due to stress or end up addicted to substances that enabled them to work so much and focus on things they have no real interest in other than them being a means to status. Maybe if Jen stuck with the artsy dreamer in the band, she would be enjoying discovering herself and the world rather than trying to fill her emptiness with what she has bought into as the image of success. Then again, she is being honest and of course if you have sold your personality and freedom to become what Jen wants you to be you at least could attract Jen…just don’t be surprised when the kids get to be teenagers she divorces you, takes half youroney and runs off with dude who is half your age…she sings harmony now! 😉.

  10. Not all women are attracted to the typically tall, dark, handsome types. It’s not realistic to think every woman will go for the same thing. For me, it mainly depends on how well I know him, and how much time he’s willing to spend with me. Even if he WAS tall, dark, and handsome, it wouldn’t guarantee that he’d treat me with respect. What if he did a total idiot move on me, by betraying me and my trust? Looks don’t promise a fairytale ending. We have to stop living in the stupid “Disney fairytale land”. It isn’t healthy. Are you going to kick and scream if the guy you want, turns you down? Prince Charming doesn’t really exist. And if he does, well I’ve never come across him. I don’t suddenly assume I’m going to end up with a guy, just because he might look so attractive. If he wants to be with me, he’d make sure he let me know. I had one who presented to love me. He thought I bought into his fake lies. Not surprising, I didn’t stick around, but I’m definitely guessing he’s trying that same pathetic trick on the new women. Some know how to make themselves look false.

    • Ryan says:

      Thanks for your input. To be honest, I’d be surprised if Jen is actually a woman. I’ve seen a lot of men who are so beat down they buy into that type of bullshit and start parroting it themselves.

      • Jen is clearly not a woman. Nothing about that screed rang true.

  11. Highly entertaining post by Jen. I’m glad I stumbled upon this article from a Google search. No high quality man would waste any amount of time on a person that thinks that way.

    • Ryan says:

      Glad you enjoyed it. What attracts women to men psychology is one of the more popular posts in terms of random Google searchers finding their way here.

  12. Wimen like Jen are the ones that get usex, thinking they are using.
    I am everage tall, decent looking, but had the fortune to ereditade a large amount of money from my parents, its unbelivable how easy is to take women like Jen to bed, just because of the money, but who would keep a woman like that around??
    Not me, thanks, once im “done” with them, sayonara, and, believe me, a lot of guys think that way.

    I want more than a woman that stays with me jyst for my money or my look, those are nothing different that prostitutes, no offense.
    No, thanks, not for me, not for more than 1 night.

  13. well I thought that was rather educative.iam a 20 year old from India and I feel that what you said are true facts . I personally respond better to a guy who is more confident rather than one who is not. A girl always look for a guy whom she can turn to,not the best looking one but the one who is able to care for her. So in today’s world money does matter but that’s not all.But personally I would rather be with a guy who made something of himself rather than someone who inherited his money from his parents without actually doing anything to get it.

  14. I am an attractive successful woman . I was married twice to very attractive professional men.. I did not become a professional until later in life .. A real woman that is beautiful does not have to bother or worry about finding the right man.. I never had to burden myself or be bothered with the complexity of the mental masturbation of Jen’s analogy ..she may not be attracting men or they do not perceive her type as marriage material .. Maybe just sex .. So I would venture to say Jen if your all that why are you still trolling the bars at 30 ? I was on my second child .
    .oh and my husbands both pursued me .. They saw a woman worthy enough to procreate with ..you must be giving off a foul smell from that rotten thinking you have .. i think you make a hookers more appealing at least the are honest about their intent the reason you are trying so hard is because you have to …men gravitate towards the real deal …still at 50 I have to beat them off with a stick .. Lol a soft fury one .. Lol

  15. I agree with Sandy. Just be yourself. There is someone out there for everyone. If someone only likes you for your looks and money, you probably don’t want someone like that anyway. And if you are the person trying to marry someone just for looks or money, you are selling yourself short. Love has no price tag…but that’s just my opinion. As I said, there’s someone out there for everyone, no matter how ugly or how much of a “gold-digger” they might be.

  16. What about the alpha-male aproach. Is it wrong. Should you want to be the most dominant person in the room since dominance is a big thing in the animal kingdom. Or maybe a bit more emotional and quirky

  17. Jen, thank you. I like what you said. It’s honest, it’s probably true. I wandered the world in my 20s, including california being an organic farmer boy and then overseas teaching English. I guess I loved the adventure, but I came back with ambition. that’s not enough. Attractive men are successful, not ambitious, but I got a job in big four accounting and I’m balls to the wall. bought my first house. I started late but i”m going to run. Just watch.

    I think it’s funny the men hating on a woman for being honest and truthful. Aaron, I am with you. They call you shallow. To me it sucks that women are so independent as to not need men and our jobs are being outsources and our nation cucked and betrayed, but that’s a different story. Men are taxed to pay for their own submission is how it is but that’s another story and we can individually be successful.

    But there’s nothing wrong with you being you and thank you for your honesty. The only problem I could have with you is if I were in a relationship with someone choosy like you, not that she is choosy but if she was an inflexible taker, not a flexible giver with integrity. You can be those three things and still be choosy. That remains to be seen, whether you are fun to be with, but there’s no evidence either way and I will not presume.

    Ryan talks about demographics on you. He may have a point. Maybe. You’ll see. It’s right for women to have these standards if they feel they are necessary but it’s wrong to seek mr. perfect prince charming with zero flaws that makes you feel starry eyed on the first date and gives you butterflies. That’s not going to happy. Diamonds in the wild are not so shiny until they are polished and cut, but they are no less diamonds. But then again don’t be fooled by cubit zirconia.

    Anyway I’m 6’3, good looking, I started lifting weights and I got a job in big four accounting. It’s good to have a sense of what women expect from men, what salary range correlates to what attractiveness, and how many vacations are necessary.

    The seduction and love advice forums did me wrong by sparing me- to satisfy other men’s egos. Shame.

    Anyway women in other countries are more open. America can be superficial, and in many ways I dislike this country’s culture, but BUT I’m not knocking attractive women from playing the market for what it’s worth and I appreciate her brutal honesty. Honestly it didn’t bother me at all. It was a truth I was ready to accept and was thirsty to hear. It will affect my mood and how I respond to a girl who is not emailing me back. Maybe I should let it go for now. My days are ahead. That said, there is a thing such as the female wall. You will age. Maybe the guys you like also have more choices and if you look for mr perfect vs mr pretty darn good, you could be single and older. The older you have a child the more likely he is to be mentally retarded. Just ask my friend. Joy doesn’t come from money and success but it’s ok to have those standards. I like what you said about the ambitious wannabe artist.

    That’s why there has to be great cultural changes in our nation. Our problems or my problem is not with women or their nature, but with our culture. We don’t raise boys right. We waste a lot of potential on boys and stick them in stupid classes with girls who only distract them, and we separate them from fathers, whose jobs are taken away by cuckolding leaders, while women are given entitlement conditioning, but BUT this is not a problem with women. It’s a problem with our nation, with our baby boomers, or whatever. You find better people in church usually, even though I’m not a believer. But Damn Jen that was refreshing to hear. I think those other guys who are arguing with you are losers. Well I think you were harsh about only being able to get 4s. I think they should be able to get 6s or 7s. The stuff he writes about probably helps a little bit, maybe guy can get one in the 8 territory. And by get, I mean GET- make fall in love. I.e. can still expect a flexible giver, because if you don’t have a flexible giver for a partner, there’s no sense being with that partner. it’s a non starter. I expect that’s what you are, but only after you find your successful man prince.

    Anyway best of love

  18. Well this is interesting. I guess if women are drawn to tall man that a shame. I guess I’m out picture Haha, I’m only 5’7 and I’m 19, so probably won’t get any taller Haha. Oh well at least my skateboard well still love me.

  19. I stopped reading after, “you must have a place of your own.”

  20. But anatomy;looks;body;eyes;color;teeths;face;neck;ears;ht;wt;frame size matter most since these are hardware kind of
    things( medically;psychologically)-they make chemistry between them to click-it is proved scientific fact!May be that
    equation forms love chemistry or so;but it does! Love at first sight is true because of this–even if man&woman who never
    met in person;but see/saw each other in pictures/video/online get sexually attracted to each other ( why?-due to this).
    Physical attraction towards each other is love.To fall in love&to make love&then to make more love&more love each day –
    that is life:may end in marriage or affair.Note that;things like education;money;dressing;make-up;etc are non-anatomical
    & not hardware ;but things like culture;family;behaviour;dressing;make-up;hair-style;hygine;cleanliness;heart-richness
    (generiousity);education;job;social status etc may act as catalyst or add-in-sugar(but only upto certain point only)Those
    who have seen movies ( ex:Titanic) may understand that all.Love is more a body&heart affair than money-social affair

    • Yes

  21. There are lots of features discussed, I just want to say if I have billions then I never never required a women for entertainment like Jane, accordingly men’s mentality they never want that kind of women in his life but still love at first sight create a measure problems for men because it stopped the practical thinking of men and biological emotion flow out. Men’s becomes emotional fool, my clear thought is it. mutual understanding between men and women is most important part of a healthy relationship, if they understand to each otherother, nothing is matter. #ryan I really like your thoughts about improving personality. Well it enough for me.


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About the author

Sydney Chesterfield

Poet, Playwright, Philosopher, Humanitarian, mad lover of children and unflinching fighter for equality on all grounds viz. Women's rights, child rights, sine die.

Twitter: @syd_field