When a guy is trying to get a woman back, he will often make a lot of mistakes that make the whole ex back process frustrating, disheartening and annoying.
It’s really sad when you’re trying to get back the woman that you love, you really care about her, you really know you can do it differently this time and make the relationship better.
You’re trying to let her see that and you’re trying to explain it to her, but she is not opening up to you.
She is remaining closed off, she is ignoring you and she just doesn’t care.
If you are at that point with her and she just isn’t interested in having a relationship with you again, here are seven simple rules that you need to follow to get her back.
1. Actively re-attract her rather than ignoring her
When trying to get an ex back, a lot of guys make the mistake of ignoring her, hoping that it will make her miss him, and she’ll come running back.
She’ll forget all about the problems in the relationship, and she’ll just want to get back with him.
She’ll forgive him because she misses him so much, but the problem with that is that it rarely works.
It only works when a woman really loves the guy and she does feel attracted to him, she does respect him, and when he stops contacting her after they break up, she then feels the pain of not having him in her life.
However, if a woman breaks up with a guy and she doesn’t have feelings for him, she’s at the point where she resents him, she doesn’t feel much respect for him, etc., then she’s not really going to worry so much when he doesn’t contact her.
She’s not going to really feel much pain of not having a guy in her life that she doesn’t have much feelings for.
She might get a bit curious at some point and contact him to see if he’s still missing her. If he is, then she realizes that he is using that no-contact rule that people talk about on the Internet, and then she loses even more respect for him as a result.
So what you need to do if you want to get her back is you need to actively re-attract her.
You can actively re-attract her via text, on phone calls, and in person.
For example: A guy got dumped by a woman because he was too insecure in a relationship. Maybe he was jealous, he was emotionally sensitive, he was clingy, he was controlling, etc.
When he interacts with her from now on, he needs to allow her to experience the new and improved version of himself that is no longer insecure. He’s emotionally strong now.
Whatever she says to him, how she is treating him, how she is testing him, how she is behaving, she will notice that he now always responds in an emotionally strong way. He is not the insecure guy that he used to be.
That is one way of actively re-attracting her. It is not the only way to re-attract her, but for a lot of guys that example really does apply because most guys who get dumped, did get to a point where they were insecure with her.
As you may now know after getting dumped by your woman, insecurity is a real turn off for women.
Women are naturally attracted to the emotional strength of men, and turned off by the emotional weakness.
If a man is emotionally strong, he is going to have confidence, high self-esteem, he is going to be self-assured, he is going to be determined to succeed, he is going to be assertive, etc.
If a man is emotionally weak, he is going to be insecure, he is going to be self-doubting, he is going to have low self-esteem, he is going to lack determination to succeed, and he might even be a bit passive.
Whenever you interact with your ex from now, make sure that you let her see, feel and experience your emotional strength. The more you do that, the more naturally attracted to you she will feel.
2. Don’t beg, plead or try to convince her to give you another chance
This is a very common mistake that guys make, so if you have made this mistake, don’t worry about it.
It’s not the end of the world.
It’s not a fatal mistake that you can’t recover from.
The way to look at it is to understand that we all make mistakes in life, and what separates great men from not so great men is when a man can learn from his experiences, and become a better man as a result.
If you begged and pleaded when she was breaking up with you, and you can now look back at that and think, “Well, that was pretty silly. I was a little bit of a wimp there. I shouldn’t have done that,” then you are a better man now.
You’ve learned from your experience.
So don’t be ashamed of it, don’t be embraced about it, and don’t keep apologizing for it. It is what it is. You made a mistake, but you’re a better man now, you’re a stronger man now, you’re a wiser man now.
3. Don’t ask for forgiveness if you haven’t changed anything yet or if you don’t even know how to change
Some guys make the mistake of asking their woman for forgiveness before they’ve changed anything.
“Please, forgive me. Just give me another chance. I promise I won’t be doing that stuff anymore. I really care about you. Please just forgive me. Give me another chance.”
Yet, if a woman can see that he doesn’t even know what he needs him to change, she’s not going to believe him. She’s not going to really forgive him.
Likewise, if she can see then that he hasn’t already changed, then she can see that it’s an empty promise that he’s making. He’s saying that things are going to be different, but she’s not seeing any of those changes and usually won’t be willing to believe that he will change.
If you want her to forgive you for real, you need to understand some of her real reasons for breaking up with you.
For example: Sometimes a woman will break up with a guy, and she will say, “I need space. I need time for myself. I need to find myself. I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore,” etc., but that is not the real reason why she is breaking up with him.
One of the real reasons why a woman will lose respect and attraction for a guy and fall out of love with him, and then want to break up with him, is that she will see that he’s just not enough of a man for her at this point of his life.
What that means is that when she interacts with him, when she is around him, she is able to potentially push him around, he is emotionally sensitive around her, he isn’t dominant enough, she doesn’t feel girly and feminine enough around him, etc.
So, if a guy has made that mistake and he’s asking for forgiveness and he doesn’t even know what the problem is, she is not going to give him the forgiveness.
She’s not going to forgive him and take him back because she can see that he doesn’t even understand what her real reason for breaking up with him is.
By the way, before I continue on with the rest of this video, I just want to point out that in my program, Get Your Ex Back: Super System, I explain more than 70 of the real reasons why a woman will break up with a guy.
It’s only when you understand the reasons that apply to you, that you can then make the right changes that actually matter to her. If you try to get her back offering things that don’t even matter to her, she is just going to keep saying no to you.
4. Only text her to get on a phone call or to spark some attraction
A classic mistake that guys make these days when they get broken up with by a woman is to text the crap out of her, just texting her about all sorts of stuff, “I am sorry” or “I miss you so much. Please reply to me!” or “Please understand where I am coming from,” as he tries to explain himself to her.
When all of that is not working, a guy will then sometimes pretend to be a friend and just say, “Hey, how was your day?” and talk about her life, talk about his life, but it just doesn’t go anywhere.
The reason why it doesn’t go anywhere is that it doesn’t solve any of the core problems in the relationship. It doesn’t make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him.
So what I advise when guys are getting women back is that you should only text her if the point of the text is to get her on an actual phone call or if you are going to spark some attraction.
An example of sparking attraction via text is to get her laughing and smiling. Joke around with her a little bit rather than being serious, and get her to laugh and smile, and enjoy texting with you.
However, don’t do that for too long.
There is only so much laughing and smiling that can go on before she starts to realize that she is feeling attracted to you, and then she starts to close up.
You’ve got to get to the point where you get her on a phone call and you get her to meet up with you.
Then, when you meet up with her in person, you really make her feel a lot of respect and attraction for you, and you get the relationship back together.
5. Don’t be afraid of telling her that you love her or miss her
When I recommend that you don’t be afraid to tell her that you love her or miss her, I’m not suggesting that you say that in a needy, desperate, insecure type of way.
It’s not about saying, “I love you, I miss you. My life is hopeless without you. Please, please,” that sort of stuff.
If she asks you, “Do you miss me or do you love me,” you say in a masculine, matter-of-fact way, “Yeah, of course I love you. Of course I miss you.”
You own it, you are not afraid of it.
That masculine way of approaching her (i.e. you own what you feel and don’t feel afraid to admit it, but also don’t get all soppy and wimpy about it) gets respect and attraction from a woman.
Yet, when a guy “ums” and “ahs” when a woman asks him, “Do you still love me? Do you miss me?” and he then starts saying, “I don’t know. Maybe, I’m not sure. Don’t ask me that. It will hurt me to talk about these sort of things,” it doesn’t make a woman to feel respect and attraction for him.
If you want her to feel some respect and attraction for you, just own who you are, own how you’re feeling, but don’t be a wimp about it.
I am not saying, “I love you!!! I miss you!!! I think about you all the time!!!” It’s just a matter-of-fact, masculine type of way. “Yeah, of course I love you. Of course I miss you.”
One of the reasons why it’s important to do that in addition to making her feel respect and attraction is that if you do lie about it, she can catch you out in a lie very easily.
For example: If a woman asks her ex-boyfriend, fiancé or husband, “Do you still love me? Do you still miss me?” and he says, “No,” she can then test him and she can catch him out in a lie by saying, “Oh…well, I miss you. I think I still love you.”
Then she sees that he jumps all over it, and he’s excited, and he says, “I miss you too. I love you too,” sort of thing. She realizes, “Okay, he was lying to me,” and she loses even more respect and attraction for him as a result.
6. Don’t feel as though you’re not allowed to make her feel attracted to you anymore
A lot of the guys that I help to get a woman back, they are often at a point where they don’t feel it’s their place to flirt with her anymore, joke around or make her feel attracted.
Instead, a guy will act like more of a friend or acts really innocent and platonic around her.
If you want her to respect you and her to feel natural attraction for you, don’t be afraid of actively making her feel attracted to you.
It is your place.
You are allowed to do that.
There is nothing wrong about it at all.
You are not doing anything wrong by being a confident, loving man, and making her feel some attraction in a moment when you interact with her.
There is nothing wrong with that.
In fact, there is everything right with that.
She is going to feel good, and you’re going to feel good.
That then is going to bring her guard down and make her more open to interacting with you again, meeting up with you in person, getting intimate with you again, and getting back together.
7. Stop saying and doing things that are turning her off
When I help guys to get their women back via my phone coaching service, for example, I often hear examples of what a guy has been saying and doing.
After the break up, there is the begging and pleading, the endless convincing and trying to explain to her that things will be different, being insecure around her, being afraid to flirt with her, being hesitant, being wimpy, being closed up emotionally, etc.
If you are saying and doing things that are turning her off, you can’t expect her to feel like she wants to get back with you.
If you want to get her back, you’ve got to start saying and doing things that actively trigger her feelings of respect, attraction, and love for you.
When you do that, her guard will naturally come down, and she will naturally feel attracted to you.
Attraction is a natural, automatic reaction that humans have to each other.
When a woman displays traits that we feel attracted to, we don’t have to think about it. We just feel attracted to her.
Likewise, when you display traits that are naturally attractive to women, they don’t have to think about it. It just happens automatically.
With your ex, when she is feeling attracted to you, she might close up a little bit and try to stop herself from having feelings for you again, but she won’t be able to turn it off.
She might begin wondering, “Why am I feeling this for him all of a sudden?” and she may start to feel confused, but she’s not going to be able to stop it.
Attraction is an automatic reaction, and you can make your ex feel respect, attraction and love for you again regardless of how turned off you she is today.
You can begin triggering her feelings of respect, attraction and love you and then confidently guide her back into a relationship.
- Dan Bacon