How exactly do you go from dating someone casually to having a serious relationship with them?
Is it some secret, LSD fuelled desert ritual?
Do you just… ask them?
Or maybe even *shudder* express your feelings?
Casual to Serious: Why Do You Commit?
To make yourself a better partner, think about your past relationships. What qualities made you want to get serious with your date? What things turned you off?
Being self-aware of how others perceive you is a huge advantage in dating and relationships. If you’re struggling with this, here’s a short list to help you go from a casual date to a serious mate (so lame, I know).
My Top 3 Casual Dating Tips
Some “experts” say you should act unavailable. It’s true that being overly available can seem desperate or unattractive, but the last thing you want to do is play dating games.
If you’re suffering from no-life syndrome, step back and ask yourself why you aren’t having fun on your own. Sure, acting unavailable might work at the casual dating stage, but what happens after that? How long before insecurities, neediness, and jealousy creep in?
Instead of acting unavailable, be independent. Hang out with your friends a couple times a week. Go to the gym. Play the sport you like or pursue one of your interests. Learn an instrument, a language, or take dancing lessons. Value yourself and your own time.
The main thing here is neediness is a killer. Insecure people push for serious relationships for the security it brings, and people can sense that.
2) Set Boundaries
Why would someone commit to you if they’re getting everything they want without the commitment?
If you’re struggling to find people willing to move beyond casual dating, there’s a good chance you’re giving too much. Why bend over backwards to make someone you barely know happy?
Let them earn it.
A prime example of this is a guy who brings a girl flowers on the first date. A nice gesture, but how do you know she deserves them? What if she ends up being a total bitch?
Some women might be wondering if having sex too soon is scaring guys away. Holding off to avoid judgement is ridiculous – how can two people have sex at the same time but only one of them does it too soon?
Any guy who loses interest in you for having casual sex “too soon” is not worth having around.
3) This Secret Psychology Brain Hack
Here’s a way to discover how you might be sabotaging yourself without knowing it.
When you go on a date, what do you think the purpose is?
Whatever your answer is, that’s the main cause of your behaviour. If your answer is something like “to find the one”, you’re gonna come across as needy. If it’s “to get to know someone”, you’ll probably seem interview-ish.
The best way to look at a date is a chance to have fun. This keeps things… well, fun. People like being around fun, low-pressure people with no expectations.
As things progress, that’s when you get to know each other. If you emotionally vomit on someone and spill your whole life story during the first three dates, where’s the fun in that?
It’s like telling someone what’s in the present they’re about to unwrap. Isn’t the funnest part the unwrapping? Focus on having fun, enjoy the mystery, and going from casual to serious will happen naturally.
Signs You’re Graduating From Dating to a Serious Relationship
The final milestone is when you know it’s official – whether you say it’s a serious relationship or not.
Unscheduled Time Together
When you start hanging out together without making plans in advance, you know things are getting serious.
Meeting each other’s social group is a big step. If you make it past the gauntlet of scrutiny from their friends, things are well on their way.
Sleepovers Without Sex
As long as you aren’t fighting, this is actually a good sign.
You Leave Some Stuff at Their House
If he’s leaving a pair of boxers at your place, it’s a sign. Likewise, if she’s got some clothes or 8,412 bottles of hair product in your shower, you’re in.
The Big One: Your First Fight
If you have a fight and you don’t break up, you’re basically saying this is something worth working on.
- Ryan Jakovljevic